Creating Wholesomeness in Our Lives

   


In life, we search for peace and harmony. 

But, most often we have the opposite of that. We feel unsettled, unhappy and don't understand why it is happening to us. Sometimes, we blame fate. Other times, the people around us - our families, friends, work colleagues. Our mental and physical health suffers. 

At times, we are not sure what is wrong. We feel 'out of sorts'. One word to describe this feeling is 'unwholesome'.

Is it possible to create an atmosphere of 'wholesomeness' in our lives?  And, what is wholesomeness?

The Venerable Tenzin Palmo, the Buddhist Bikkhuni, writes: 

Wholesomeness is a state of mind - such as understanding, love, generosity and openness of heart - which creates within and around us a state of harmony and peace. 

To achieve Wholesomeness, Palmo suggests the Four Right Efforts. These are:

1.  Effort to prevent the unwholesome from arising.

2. Effort to discard that unwholesomeness which has already arisen.

3. Effort to create that wholesomeness which has not yet arisen. 

4. Effort to cultivate and maintain that wholesomeness which has arisen. 

How do we know when the unwholesome is arising? We know because of experiences, situations, conversations and realities. When a similar experience is about to happen, we know that it will be an unwholesome one. 

Once this situation as arisen, is it possible for us to 'discard' it? Yes, by being frank and open with ourselves, and others, about why it is happening. Often, we know why this is so, but pretend we don't and thus exacerbate the unwholesomeness. 

Do we know how to create wholesomeness?  We can learn. By being understanding, loving, generous and opening our hearts. 

Once this state of mind is created in us, we can ensure this is maintained. 

In Buddhism, the practice of Mindfulness enables us to create a situation in which wholesomeness can prevail. This means being aware of everything we think, say and do. It means accepting our emotions, especially the difficult ones, by welcoming (yes, welcoming) and accepting them, knowing that anger, hate, jealousy and other negative emotions will pass. 

It means being aware of and giving gratitude to the things in our lives that sustain us and focusing on the miracles of the earth - sky, air, water, sunshine, the stars - we are connected to the earth and each other. The notion of 'Interbeing' of connected to each other is powerful.  As individuals, we sometimes feel that we don't need other people, but this is not true. 

The Zen Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh describes the notion of Interbeing:

"If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow; and without trees, we cannot make paper. The cloud is essential for the paper to exist. If the cloud is not here, the sheet of paper cannot be here either. So we can say that the cloud and the paper inter-are.

 “Interbeing” is a word that is not in the dictionary yet, but if we combine the pre-fix “inter” with the verb “to be,” we have a new verb, inter-be. 

If we look into this sheet of paper even more deeply, we can see the sunshine in it. If the sunshine is not there, the forest cannot grow. In fact, nothing can grow. 

Even we cannot grow without sunshine. And so, we know that the sunshine is also in this sheet of paper. The paper and the sunshine inter-are. And if we continue to look, we can see the logger who cut the tree and brought it to the mill to be transformed into paper. And we see the wheat. We know the logger cannot exist without his daily bread, and therefore the wheat that became his bread is also in this sheet of paper. And the logger’s father and mother are in it too."

This way we see how we are connected to each other and everything is interconnected. Accepting this will reduce the chances of us thinking, speaking and behaving in unwholesome ways. 

Therapy is a process in which we come to recognize and discover ways that we allow unwholesomeness to happen.  And that we, and we alone, can change this situation, by changing ourselves. 

As the Four Rights Efforts listed above, we can make the effort to bring about wholesomeness in our lives.  It is a deliberate act and will not happen by itself. 

The effort will enable us to live in peace and harmony. 



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