Therapy Notes

In my therapy work, I find patients struggling with pressures in their lives – in families, workplace, socially. They are overwhelmed with tasks, challenges, decisions that never seem to end. They feel frazzled and anxious. We find it difficult to discern what is important to us, at any given time. This, in some ways, is the essence of therapy – finding our authentic selves – in the hope that our lives will be easier, and we will be more peaceful, happy and content. What does it mean to be authentic to ourselves?  For a start, it means being true to ourselves. Very often we think, do or say what is expected of us. Because we don’t want others to think poorly of us or disappoint them, we are untrue to ourselves. We operate out of obligation. We feel guilt, shame, and begin to suffer from low self-esteem. This makes us unhappy. Every time we do this, we make ourselves more unhappy. When we were children and dependent on our parents and caretakers, we were told what to do, think...

  A few weeks ago, my patient based in India was travelling in Europe for a wedding. Between cities, the airlines misplaced his baggage. We had an online session on the fourth day of the lost baggage. My patient was agitated and admitted he was obsessively checking online to locate his bags. He said he had bought a few essentials. Was there anything valuable in your bag, I asked. No, he said. He said he lived frugally but had a good pair of shoes. In this way, an unplanned session on loss unfolded. What else have you lost in life, I asked. He thought and said not very much. I probed and asked him to think about loss of youth, loss of faith (in others), loss of love, trust, and so on and so forth. He was struggling with these losses, but didn’t see them as such. The nature of loss was revealed to me in an article I read several years ago. A man lost his keys and was upset. His wife reminded him that he lost things very often, almost every day. But he didn’t think so. The art...

      Photo Credit: Ted Talks We are in relationships all our lives. From the time we are born till the day we die, we are in relationships. A relationship is a connection between people. It involves physical and/or emotional intimacy. Although an intimate relationship is commonly a sexual relationship, it doesn’t have to be. It can be a non-sexual relationship involving family, friends, or acquaintances. How do we learn to be in relationships? The family is the first institution we encounter, so our first role models are our parents. How we see our parents relate to each other and to us, as children, shapes our notions of the nature of relationships.   This extends to our siblings if there are any. And, if we grow up in joint families, we have grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins in proximity, who we interact with. And these adults interact with each other. As we grow, we enter the institutions of schools, religion, colleges and the workforce. We make f...